I wrote this dark prose about two decades ago.  But, as I reread it, it still very much pertains to many of our lives, especially if we are in law enforcement or have assumed the duties of shepherd for our own flock...

My Paranoia
By Robert Wilson

When I leave my house, I leave with the knowledge that I can be killed, that I am not immortal.  Instruments of Evil may bring Death’s shroud of darkness to me or to those I love. I know this can happen as assuredly as if I’d already bore witness.  Evil may knock on my door on any day or any night. Someday it will.  I wait, ready for that day.

 I know I cannot avoid death but I will not let someone pull the strings of that hooded figure without my opposition.  I will not die easily.  I will not be the one who is surprised and does not fight back.  I will survive.  

 When I am happy, my work is good, my family is whole and my world is blessed—that is when I am most wary and most prepared for the evil that some bring.  I am prepared to save my family, my friends, and my loved ones.  I am willing to die, should I need to, to save any one of them.  I shall not allow someone close to me to be killed because I hold too tightly to my own life; because I am afraid of my own death.  I shall never allow my loved ones to be sent from this world by evil to save my own existence. 

 When I am warned, and I know the threat to be real and lethal to my family or loved ones, then I will act first.  I will not sit back and allow the evil to come to me.  I will meet that dark instrument, and should I need to resort to a similar evil to extinguish the intent, I will surely do so to protect those who have not the ability to protect themselves.  I shall be unmerciful with those who threaten my loved ones or my family. Should a heinous act become necessary to protect those I love, I shall do so without regret. 

When comes my time to fight such evil, I hope it is for someone worthy.  If my death be required, I pray it shall bring good for an innocent.  That is all that I shall require and without so, I will not easily release my spirit to that eternal darkness.  

Welcome to my world...